Monday, April 30, 2007

And the Caissons Go Rolling Along . . .

Soldier and War Books Sparky Has Worked On

  • Soldiers’ Lives through History: The Ancient World
  • Soldiers’ Lives through History: The Middle Ages
  • Soldiers’ Lives through History: The Early Modern World
  • Soldiers’ Lives through History: The Nineteenth Century
  • The American Army in Transition, 1865–1898 (in the American Soldiers’ Lives series)
  • Life during Wartime: Civilians in Wartime America from the Colonial Era to the Civil War
  • Civilians in Wartime American from the Indian War to the Vietnam War
  • Civilians in Wartime Asia From the Taiping Rebellion to the Vietnam War
  • In Pursuit of Liberty: Coming of Age in the American Revolution
  • The Vietnam War (in the Daily Life through History series)
    Daily Lives of Civilians in Wartime Europe, 1618–1900

Fact 1

I have somehow become the Editor-Who-Does-All-War-Books at my place of employment. I am also the Editor-Who-Does-All-Horribly-Written-Biographies (Dr. Dre: A Biography, Alex Rodriguez: A Biography), much like my workmate, Mr. Reliable, who is the Editor-Who-Does-All-Books-Related-To-Christianity (The Destructive Power of Religion: Violence in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam: Condensed and Updated Edition) as well as the Editor-Who-Does-All-Craft-Related-Encyclopedias (The Art of Jewelry Making: An Encyclopedia, The Art of Needlepoint: An Encyclopedia).

Fact 2

I do not actually like soldier books or war book or books about the lives of soldiers at war (never mind the Horribly Written Biographies).

Sparky's Hypothesis

It’s Karma. The Karma Police found out that I eked by in college with the minimum history requirement and that I used to pass my multiple choice history tests in high school by using a Very Elaborate Method of guesswork. They also found out that I generally think most talk of soldiers and wars is Very Boring. This is, I believe, a hang up from growing up outside of Boston, 30 minutes away in any given direction from some great American Revolution battlefield or monument or bathtub where Paul Revere might have bathed, where every grade school field trip ever revolved around visiting a village green or a rude bridge or an old boat off of which tea might have been thrown.

I was born in the Cradle of the Revolution. At the time, I would have settled for perhaps the Cradle of Love, or maybe even a Rather Nice Hammock. In grade school, I didn't care about the bullet hole in the old window that probably dated back to a 1776 musket. The Freedom Trail didn't seem all that free to me or to my classmates, forced, as we were, to listen to senior citizen volunteers drone on about the path the Redcoats probably took through the city as it stood at that time or about the architecture of the Old North Church. Then, I didn't care. Then, I didn't want to know.

Now, though . . . now, I have to know. It's my job to know.

It’s all about some Karmic Payback.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Real Life Stories: Pink Ladies are the Greatest


I know that some of you were perhaps skeptical of my unabashed declarations of apple love a month or so ago. As proof that my worship of the Pink Lady is not simply some passing fancy taken up by a Lonely Dissertation Widow, I offer up this actual conversation from last Saturday morning.



SCENE: 8:30AM, Walgreens, Verona Wisconsin, approximately 1 hour before the Small Liberal Church choir begins it's dress rehearsal for the Schubert Mss in G. SPARKY, the choir director, is purchasing a stick of deoderant since she seems to have forgotten to put any on prior to leaving her apartment on the edge of the edge of the hood. She enters the store eating an apple, hastily grabs a stick of Degree, and begins her walk up to the main counter. MAKE-UP SALES LADY (MUSL), who has been stocking the nearby shelves with tweezers, intercepts her.

MUSL (smiling)

Do you need to check out?

SPARKY (distracted)

Oh, yes please! That would be great.

MUSL

I can help you right over here at the cosmetic counter.

SPARKY (handing over deodorant)

Thanks.

MUSL (as she’s ringing up the deodorant)

That’s a really nice looking apple. Fugi?

SPARKY

Huh? Oh, no. It’s a—

MUSL (interrupting)

Oh! Is it a Pink Lady?

SPARKY (surprised)

Yeah! I mean, yes. Yes ma’am, it’s a Pink Lady.

MUSL

Oh, I love those Pink Ladies. So sweet!

SPARKY (gushing, hands over her debit card)

Yes, and always crispy. I really like the fact that they’re always crispy.

MUSL (earnestly)

Always. They’re really good apples.

SPARKY (boldly)

I think they’re the greatest.

MUSL (still earnestly, hands back debit card)

They really are. Do you need a bag?

SPARKY

Wha? Oh, no. No thanks.

MUSL

Well, you enjoy that nice apple.

SPARKY

Thanks! Have a great day!

SPARKY exits, beaming. MUSL casts a longing look at the half-eaten apple as SPARKY leaves, then goes back to stocking tweezers.

Friday, April 20, 2007

It Was Poetry

This post really belongs to a friend I went through the MFA program at Big State University with: the Chic, Polished nonfiction writer. Actually, it really belongs to a her colleague, but Chic was the one who sent me the email that got me thinking. Chic started teaching at Shippensburg University in Shippensburg, PA, a year or so ago. We write back and forth sporadically, things like "Hey, Expat got a job!" "Hey, I'm getting married!" "Hey, we're getting a house!" "Hey, I wrote a Real Book!" Big stuff.

And as for her latest email . . . well, this is Definitely Big. I hope you'll read the link as well. I don't often get political when I blog, but this isn't political. Or it shouldn't have been. It was just Old Poetry.

"For those of you who don't know, a white box was left next to a trashcan in front of Wright Hall at Shippensburg University last night. Wright Hall houses both the English Department and ROTC. As it turns out, Kazim Ali, a colleague of mine in the English Department, was seen leaving the box by a student member of ROTC. Kazim, who is Indian-American, left the box, as he's apparently done numerous times before without incident, got into his car, and drove away. The student called the police, telling them a Middle-Eastern man with out-of-state plates left a suspicious package in front of Wright Hall. Classes were cancelled and several of the surrounding buildings were evacuated. The state police bomb squad was called, and ultimately gave the all-clear a little after 6:00 last night.

"The white box contained old poetry manuscripts.

"When you have a minute, please read Kazim's take on the events on his website: www.kazimali.com"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

When I'm Back From the Road and You're Out On It (The One Where Sparky Gets Caught Up)

So let's see . . . when last we left our heroine—I mean really left her (think back to March)—she was having an gender identity crisis and wondering what to do about it. Since I know you're all hanging on the edge of your respective seats, I shall tell you: it resolved itself.

I actually suspect that it was the Savvy Editor who was collaborating on this giant project who fixed the problem for me, quietly, in a private email to the Confused Editor. All I know is that about ten days later, shortly after another email exchange in which the Confused Editor referred to me again as “he,” I got an email from her apologizing for the gender confusion. “I believe I owe you an apology for the 'he' and 'him',” she said.

I was absurdly overjoyed with this news and I had a little celebration in my cubical in which I bounced on my wonderful balance ball (which I use instead of a chair and you can just shut up and stop knocking it because it has saved my lower back from Certain Doom) and laughed and then sat and listened to girly music on the internet. It was a Thoroughly Satisfying resolution, I thought.

In between the Unfortunate Gender Confusion and the ultimate resolution of said Confusion, I got to see Expat.

Yes, dear readers, my long lost husband and I were reunited for all of four days during our house hunting trip in dear old Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

I told you I have Much Newness to convey.

The short version: Expat's been hired as tenure track faculty in the English department at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa, to start this fall (please don't count the number of prepositions in that last sentence). So this summer, we're moving. We always knew that Madison was a place of temporary residency and given the snowstorms predicted over tonight and tomorrow, I can't say that I'm going to be sorry to leave. At least, not the climate. The people, yes, and the city is very cool . . . but I digress.

So we met up at the Birmingham airport (BHM) and I need to remind you all here that I did my undergrad in Birmingham at the cleverly named Birmingham-Southern College, so I've flown out of and back into BHM plenty of times, but had never once met my husband there. His flight arrived before mine so it was strange, then, to walk out of the terminal and see him sitting where so many friends from college had greeted me after various trips and such. And then, it was just so good to see him. He was sitting with the laptop, doing god knows what, waiting. When he saw me, he smiled, and even though I'm sure I had a goofy, head-splitting grin on my face, my eyes went teary.

Hello,” he said, still sitting, coiling the laptop power cord and stowing everything carefully before standing to hug me.

I'd forgotten how cute you were,” I said, stupidly. And that was all I could think to say for a minute. And then, “Come here. Just put the damn laptop down and hug me. And then, as an afterthought, I won't step on it. I promise.”

He raised his eyebrow and stood. “Of course you won't step on it because I'm putting it away.

And I laughed and we hugged and I buried my head against his shoulder and it Felt. So. Good.

The house hunting trip in and of itself is a story worthy of another post, but then it was over, and we were back at BHM and Expat's plane left before mine, so I walked with him through the security line as far as I could and thank god there was the security checkpoint that forced me to walk away and check in at my own gate, otherwise, I would have cried, I think, or held onto his hand and begged him not to leave. I know that sounds pathetic. That's because it is. I am. And I'm okay with that.

And then Weathergirl came to visit me and we had wonderful pictures made and imbibed every evening with dinner and once in the middle of the afternoon just because we could and she analyzed my knitting and told me that it wasn't as bad as I'd thought and then she bought yarn to make me a hat. We went down to New Glarus and bought Polish pottery for our Very Dramatic Mother for her birthday (all three of us have April birthdays) and spent a fair bit of time shopping for cute outfits for pictures and for Big Tacky Jewelry that Weathergirl can wear on camera when she's, well, doing the weather. Dressing for television takes more forethought than you might think. For my fairly reserved, cautious sister, the Big Tacky Jewelry makes things even more difficult. Being a vocal performance major who truly loves being the center of everything (I am a soprano, after all), I adore Big Tacky Jewelry and gravitate it to it with unwavering devotion. Give me bright colors and giant rhinestones any day of the week—the more sparkle, the better. Teaching Weathergirl to embrace the purple, plastic, emerald cut beads and the silvery-coated graduated faux pearls in all their Splendid Flashiness was an absolute delight. Convincing her that these things will appear Normal on stage or on camera, as the case may be, was a slightly more arduous task, but in the end, she came away with several fabulous pieces that even I could envy.

She was quietly pleased. She wore them that week and I caught her toying with the overlarge diamond-shaped plastic amber earrings dangling from her lobes and admiring her own reflection in passing store windows more than once.

The pictures with Big were, of course, a Phenomenal Success. We went on Weathergirl's actual birthday itself, and if she got tired of smiling sometime around hour three of our little photo shoot, she didn't let it show. We had fun. We wet to a playground and took pictures on playground toys. We Dressed Up and stood in awkward positions in front of somber backdrops, smiling as if these were normal things to do, never mind that one of us was standing on a phone book or craning her neck so that we looked like we were looking at each other when in reality all I could see was the corner of the fireplace. Little was a dutiful photographer's assistant, moving light boxes when told, never arguing with Big's sometimes seemingly hairbrained directions, and muttering funny asides under her breath at just the right moments to send Weathergirl and I into peals of laughter, even as Big was striving for, perhaps, a more contemplative, serious shot, and I was reminded again how they compliment each other so well.

Afterwards, we all went out to dinner and toasted Weathergirl's 21-ness with Frou-Frou liquor drinks and good Wisconsin fare. On the way home, Weathergirl sighed. “I like them. They're funny.”

Did you have a good 21st birthday?”

Yeah.” She smiled and looked out the window. “I did.”

Me too.” She knew what I meant. “I'm glad you're here.”

And I was.


Monday, April 09, 2007

The Second Easter Miracle

The Dreaded Trumpets were in tune.

Thanks be to God.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

In Dread of Trumpets

I only wish the Dreaded Trumpets I face tomorrow were this cute.

Tonight, I don't want to go to bed because I know what tomorrow holds for me: the Dreaded Trumpets. Two Dreaded Trumpets, waiting there promptly at 9AM in the sanctuary of the Small Liberal Church where I work as the Music Director. I did not want the Dreaded Trumpets—they were Thrust Upon me by the Church Council approximately three weeks ago with nary a thought as to what it actually means for those of us who spend hours coordinating the music for worship, and believe me, until you yourself have had Dreaded Trumpets Thrust Upon you, you really have no idea the magnitude of this Inconvenience.

I did not want to hire Trumpets for this year's Easter service because Easter Trumpets are never in tune. Never ever. Unless you live in a Big City with Real Musicians, which happen to cost Big Money. And basic musicality issues aside, I simply don't have the time or energy to worry about hunting down and hiring and working with two out-of-tune Easter Trumpets. The Schubert Mass in G, which we're doing in two weeks, comes with it's own set of problems (namely the Five Strings we'll be throwing into the mix and the fact that my full conductor's score still has not arrived from Kalmus, the company I ordered it from online, even though I paid for overnight shipping two weeks ago). Plus, the Trumpeter we dragged in at the last minute last year wasn't really all that and a bag of chips, and of course they use him every year and thus, church politics being what they are, if I hire a Trumpet at all, one of them simply must be him. And then there is the simple fact that I am Not Really a Conductor and so I naturally prefer to avoid throwing unnecessary complications into the mix. Top that off with the fact that I've resurrected (so to speak) a piece that I positively loathed during high school (out of necessity—it fit with the whole Easter Joy thing and it's fairly easy), and Easter 2007 is shaping up to be this little church musician's own Private Hell.

Yes, you heard right: I am Not Really a Conductor. I have never even taken a conducting course and yet I somehow convinced these sweet, earnest Midwesterner's that I would be a great Music Director and have thus far gotten by on my innate ability to pick crowd-and-choir-pleasing pieces, my unflagging energy, and my brilliant ability to Fake It Like No Other. Oh, and I actually organized the music library and had some choir cubbies built for their folders and hymnals. They love me for those choir cubbies.

There is a distinct difference between being a Director and being a Conductor. Conductors have graceful nuance and subtlety; I look more like the drum major leading the high school band during the halftime show (BIG hand gestures, VERY precise beat patterns that are occasionally in the wrong time signature). Conductors coax elegant performances out of choirs—indeed, they all seem to have singers; by contrast, I have a very devout group of earnest and somewhat capable choir members. Conductors and their choirs can do wonderful things with dynamics; my choir has two volume levels: loud and less loud. Conductors inspire their choirs; I corral mine. Ultimately, I think I hold things together through sheer bossiness and a sense of entitlement than comes (I believe) from knowing that I have done an awful lot of really good music when singing with past choirs and that I can continue to trot out and do well because most of the members of this choir probably haven't sung them before.

Smoke and mirrors. Razzle dazzle. That sort of thing.

But tomorrow, I have Trumpets. And while I am a competent and capable musician, I am not always a confident one. Oh, I'll pull it off. I always do. And it's not like this is the National Cathedral or anything. It's not like the members of the Small Liberal Church will notice if we hopelessly screw things up. But I will notice. And maybe that's why I am avoiding going to bed, pretending that by staying up extra late, I will somehow avoid facing the Dreaded Trumpets and my Easter Fate.

And as if to pour salt in the wound, after I fake my way through tomorrow's Easter service with the Dreaded Trumpets that the Council saw fit to Thrust Upon me, I then have to work with the Youth Choir on the piece that they picked for Music Sunday. Nothing says worship quite like Bon Jovi.

But really. Just once I think it would have been okay for the Son of God to rise without those damned Trumpets.