Lean Meat and Veggies—No Carbs. Oh My

We here at Scooter Nation are Making History.

We have grown tired of Unhip and Frumpy.

We have foresworn our Cupcakeness.

We have hired a Cybertrainer.

"A what?" you ask.

A Cybertrainer.

I first heard about Virtual and her Cybertraining gig from the Matic clan matriarc. Once Mommymatic started waxing poetic about some "total-lifestyle-altering, kick ass plan" she'd gotten from Virtual, I started thinking, "Hey, maybe I should get one of those."

This month, I did.

I have gone a whole two days on my new nutrition plan. I quite like parts of it. Virtual isn't all about no carbs, she just particular about what kind of carbs I eat and when. I get to eat bananas and apples and oranges, Kashi chewy trail mix bars, cheese, lots of vegetables whenever I want (well, sort of), and even the occasional skinny, small, sugar-free Foofy Coffee. God, I love Foofy Coffee.

Of course, yesterday, I thought I might die without my usual half-box of crackers and/or dry cereal. I was Very Cranky. Then I went to Target, you know, just to walk around, and found a pair of Super Fabulous Earrings for $1.47, and how can anyone be cranky after that?

Tomorrow, I will commence the Very Structured Exercise Routine. This will be a stretch for me. My idea of a good workout is hanging out on the treadmill through all of Boston Legal while reading some mindless fantasy fiction or the latest women's magazine from the gym's rack, then doing my 15 minutes of stretching and heading home. Oh, and sometimes I run. Tomorrow, I'm aparently going to be trying something called a "single leg balance to touchdown" that Virtual has promised will "make your legs and glutes burn like no other." This, admittedly, isn't something I typically strive for. Burning of any kind—sunburns, razor burns, heartburn, the possible burning of my soul in eternal hellfire— isn't really high on my list, unless you're talking about Expat, my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love, but even at that, I'm not the one burning.

But we'll give it a go. By this time next month, I shall be svelt . . . er. At the very least, I will no longer be consuming my weight in Wheat Thins. Worst case scenario, I end up with lots of cheap earrings from Target.

After all, we have to try. We've foresworn Cupcakeness.